An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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