It's like God shit irony all over that family
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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