do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
