You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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