At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
where am i from again
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize