It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
