i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think my vagina is haunted
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
