So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
