God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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