Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
