Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
