i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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