Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
