This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
