My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
