There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
