Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
