Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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