i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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