honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
