Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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