This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
