I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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