And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
