I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
there is glitter all over my balls
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