after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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