I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
