I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
