Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
