I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize