I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize