Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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