i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
