I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
