Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dignity is for republicans.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
