Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
