Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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