considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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