Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
