idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
