It's like God shit irony all over that family
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
