Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
