Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
then he tried to convert me to islam
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
