toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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