I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
