Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
