Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
