8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
