is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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