Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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