Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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