I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
