i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize