did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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