her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
