Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
