He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
