she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I looked at my own cervix.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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