Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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