So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
