I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
