Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
