Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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