hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
