In America we eat man semen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
