You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
