Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can you bring me the toilet please
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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