Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
