We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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