Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
